Prices as tested: €137,637
+ Powwwwwweerrrrrrr!!!!!!
– Actually, a bit too much power
= Utterly brilliant, but 90% of its grunt is unusable on public roads
Whatever happens in the next few paragraphs, be in no doubt that this M5 represents a new high watermark in the development of the searingly hot sports saloon. For BMW to have created a car that can pump 560bhp out through the back wheels, yet return 30mpg on a long run and be as comfortable as a conventional 520d is little short of a titanic achievement.
Ever since the eighties, when the original M535i made its tentative debut, the idea of shoehorning a BMW Motorsport GmBH engine into a plain-jane four door has been as appealing as the adding of salt and vinegar to chips. Thundering saloons, usually with big V8 engines, had previously been a speciality of American, Italian and even Australian marques, but with the original straight-six M535i (the first M5 wouldn’t arrive for another generation) the Germans perfected the concept. Understatedly cool, blisteringly fast, totally practical. A recipe as tasty as any of Nigella’s.
And now, we are here, thirty years on, at the F10 M5. On the outside, even net of the bulging arches, the dark grey 20” alloys wrapped in Michelin’s 235-40 (front) and 295-35 (rear) Pilot tyres and the four howitzer exhausts, the casual eye could easily mistake this car for a humble 188bhp 520d, if one with a few sport exterior add-ons.
The cockpit gives away equally few clues. Only the stubby selector for the seven-speed M-DCT twin-clutch gearbox gives the game away that this isn’t some specced-up fleet car, although the sumptuous dove grey leather sports seats and the tri-colour stitching on the steering wheel are dead giveaways to the initiated.
Under the familiar 5 Series bonnet lies an initially familiar engine. BMW has been making V8 petrol engines of 4.4-litre capacity for many a year now. But none like this. Breathing compressed air from two massive turbochargers, this bent eight makes 560bhp and an almost comical 680Nm of torque at just 1,500rpm. Turbos are a bit of a new departure for BMW M. The last M5, the E60, had an ultra-high revving 5.0-litre V10, which sounded like a diesel at tickover but yelled like an F1 car at high speeds. This new V8, thanks to its turbos, is at once more accessible and also far, far more devastating. I have never, in my long and sainted life as a motoring writer, driven an engine with such reserves of ferocity. As soon as you fire it up, it settles into a deep, calm and resonant woofle. Blip the throttle a bit and, in spite of the masking effect of the turbos, there is a brief NASCAR-style growl. Get out on the road, hook up a low gear and nail it, and it evolves into the deep-chested bellow of a mid-eighties Group C Le Mans racer. Some of the sound is, astonishingly, digitally synthesised and pumped into the cockpit through the radio speaker, but at no point could my cloth ears detect any difference between the real sound and the fake one.
And it packs a Rocky balboa punch. Where previous M engines had to be revved to give their all, this one wallops you in the back virtually from tickover. At anything more than quarter throttle, there’s enough forward motion to dispatch all but the fastest of flowing traffic. 0-100kmh is quoted as 4.3secs. It feels quicker.
Really nail the throttle to the carpet, and you’d better be on an airfield, a race track or an Autobahn. The legal motorway limit is left behind before the top of second gear, as the M-DCT box does its frankly incredible job of shifting like a proper race car when you’re attacking, or slushing like an auto when you’re not. The ripple fire of revs as the ‘box blips the throttle on manual downshifts is enough to have herds of roadside cattle running for cover.
Handling? Brilliant, frankly, but with one major caveat which we’ll come to in a moment. The steering, like the gearbox and suspension, has three settings; Comfort, Sport and Sport Plus. In the two lower modes, it’s light and easy, with reasonable feel. Select Sport Plus and it weights up nicely, with lots of proper feedback and information coming up through the chunky leather rim. As good as the best hydraulic systems? No, but still better than most others. The best setting for Irish roads is to have the suspension and gearbox/throttle response set to comfort and the steering to Sport Plus. Believe me, you don’t need to have the engine set to maximum attack if you want to make good progress.
The caveat? It’s too powerful. I can’t believe I’m saying that, but it’s true. On a wet road, even with the stability control switched on, the laws of physics conclude that 560bhp is too much for even those fat rear tyres to handle and if it’s raining heavily, full throttle is deeply inadvisable, as the M5 will suddenly snap ferociously sideways on you.
And even in the dry, it’s too much. There just isn’t enough road in the country or lunacy in this driver to make full use of the M5’s prodigious talents. Any more than a couple of seconds at full effort and you may as well just stop at the next Garda station and hand in your licence. You have to drive it with the reticence of a saint to avoid getting into trouble, and if you have to do that, what’s the point?
I love the M5. It is a glorious statement of what a modern car maker can do when its finest minds are focused on a project. It is more powerful, more efficient and more brilliant to drive than any single one of its rivals. But unless you have about 60km of Autobahn between you and work, or you own your own racetrack, it is all a bit sadly pointless. A €70k 535d with the M-Sport styling pack will provide much of the M5’s thrills for literally half the cost and without quite the same licence losing ability.
Facts & Figures
BMW M5
Price as tested: €137,637
Range price: €43,530 to €134,430
Capacity: 4,395cc
Power: 560bhp
Torque: 680Nm
Top speed: 250kmh
0-100kmh: 4.3secs
Economy: 9.9/100km (28.5mpg)
CO2 emissions: 232g/km
Tax Band: G. €2,258 road tax
Euro NCAP rating: Not yet tested
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